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Age Jokes
| The Male Stages Of Life | The Female Stages Of Life |
| AGE | DRINK | AGE | DRINK |
| 17 | beer | 17 | Wine Coolers |
| 25 | vodka | 25 | White wine |
| 35 | scotch | 35 | Red wine |
| 48 | double scotch | 48 | Dom Perignon |
| 66 | Maalox | 66 | Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser |
| SEDUCTION LINE | EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES |
| AGE | LINE | AGE | EXCUSE |
| MEN | WOMEN |
| 17 | My parents are away for the weekend. | 17 | Need to wash my hair |
| 25 | My girlfriend is away for the weekend. | 25 | Need to wash and condition my hair |
| 35 | My fiancee is away for the weekend. | 35 | Need to color my hair |
| 48 | My wife is away for the weekend. | 48 | Need to have Giorgio color my hair |
| 66 | My second wife is dead. | 66 | Need to have Giorgio color my wig |
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FAVORITE SPORT |
| AGE | SPORT | AGE | SPORT |
| MEN | WOMEN |
| 17 | sex | 17 | shopping |
| 25 | sex | 25 | shopping |
| 35 | sex | 35 | shopping |
| 48 | sex | 48 | shopping |
| 66 | napping | 66 | shopping |
| DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE | IDEAL DATE |
| AGE | DEFINITION | AGE | DEFINITION | IDEAL DATE |
| MEN | WOMEN |
| 17 | tongue | 17 | Burger King | He offers to pay |
| 25 | breakfast | 25 | Free meal | He pays |
| 35 | She didn't set back my therapy. | 35 | A diamond | He cooks breakfast the next morning |
| 48 | I didn't have to meet her kids. | 48 | A bigger diamond | He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids |
| 66 | Got home alive. | 66 | Home Alone | He can chew breakfast |
| FAVORITE FANTASY |
| AGE | FANTASY | AGE | FANTASY |
| MEN | WOMEN |
| 17 | getting to third | 17 | tall, dark and handsome |
| 25 | airplane sex | 25 | tall, dark and handsome with money |
| 35 | menage a trois | 35 | tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain |
| 48 | Taking the company public | 48 | a man with hair |
| 66 | Swiss maid/Nazi love slave | 66 | a man |
| HOUSE PET |
| AGE | PET | AGE | PET |
| MEN | WOMEN |
| 17 | roaches | 17 | Muffy the cat |
| 25 | stoned-out college roommate | 25 | Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat |
| 35 | German Shepherd | 35 | German Shepherd and Muffy the Cat |
| 48 | children from his first marriage | 48 | Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat |
| 66 | Barbie | 66 | Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat |
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WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? |
| AGE | IDEAL AGE | AGE | IDEAL AGE |
| MEN | WOMEN |
| 17 | 25 | 17 | 17 |
| 25 | 35 | 25 | 25 |
| 35 | 48 | 35 | 35 |
| 48 | 66 | 48 | 48 |
| 66 | 17 | 66 | 66 |
seems that life goes by resembling somewhat of a bell curve of what is considered successful...
At age 4....success is...not peeing in your pants.
At age 10...success is...making your own meals.
At age 12...success is...having friends.
At age 16...success is...having a drivers license.
At age 20...success is...having sex.
At age 35...success is...having money.
At age 50...success is...having money.
At age 60...success is...having sex.
At age 70...success is...having a drivers license.
At age 75...success is...having friends.
At age 80...success is...making your own meals.
At age 85...success is...not peeing in your pants.
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